...That's not great.

Why this is all you'll get today.

My latest Tweet @bethanywd.

I AM NOT GETTING SICK. Am I getting sick? Achy? Headache? Am I getting sick? I AM NOT GETTING SICK.

Five things I'm coveting right now.

Should I or should I not? That is the question.

1. These architectural prints from Crate and Barrel. I pretty much want to live in those houses.

2. This striped cardigan from JCrew. What can I say? I'm a cardigan whore.  

3. In other cardigan news, I would like the "Tick Tock Cardigan" from Anthropologie.

 

4. One can never have enough handbags. you know? I want this one in gray. 

 

5. I also need a new pair of jeans and have heard good things about the new models from The Gap. We shall see.

You know it's bad when you stop dreaming about it.

The past few months I have been trying to be more conscious about my spending. We've never really had a budget, per se, but since the summer I've kept a Goodle Docs spreadsheet and tracked all my spending. Much like a food diary, a spending diary really causes you to ask yourself when holding a potential purchase in your hand (or seeing it in your online shopping cart), "Is is worth it? Will I be happy about this at the end of the month?"

Now the next part The Sister will not like.

I have really cut back (next to nothing, really) in my clothes, shoes, etc. spending. I completely cleaned out my closet (well, she'll like that part) to see what I want/need in terms of clothes. I tossed out all that didn't fit, was no longer my style, even things that still fit but I didn't feel great in.

The truth is? I still have alot left. (Note to self: YOU DO NOT NEED PANTS.)

Now, I have BEEN shopping. I found I had three pairs of brown pants that I could not wear because I did not have a pair of heels to wear them with (none were the correct height). I shopped around and found a great deal on a pair that I love. I do like the feeling of browsing, trying on, and not settling for items that are ill fitting or not the right color.

My efforts are paying off - my monthly totals have dropped. It's not like I ever spent a HUGE amount, but a couple of things here and there add up. I also have been avoiding Target like the plague. You really can't walk out of there for less that $200.

And just when I thought I had really left old habits behind, I find it has not truly left my system.

Last night I had a dream about shopping. An actual DREAM were I shopped and PURCHASED things. Who has heard of such a thing?

This latest development has confirmed I've moving in the right direction.

Either that or I'm bat-shit crazy. It's a toss-up, really.

Time for a meme.

Where is your cell phone:
Sitting right next to me. I pretty much have it within reach 24/7.

Your hair:
Long, blond-ish. In need of a haircut and color.

Your favorite food:
Mexican food. I never get sick of it.

Your favorite drink:
Coke Zero and coffee. Don't make me choose just one.

What room are you in:
My room.

What are your hobbies:
Doing things with my kids, reading, home improvement, sleeping.

What is your fear:
I fear throwing up. I fear hitting a pedestrian or bicyclist with my car. I fear my kids falling out of a window or other high place.

Where do you want to be in 6 years:
Here, happy.

Where were you last night:
Swimming lessons for the kids.

Something you are not:
Patient.

Where did you grow up:
Portland, Oregon.

What are you wearing:
Yoga pants and a long sleeve t-shirt.

Your mood:
Happy, but tired.

Vehicle:
Silver Nissan Xterra.

Your favorite store:
The Ann Taylor family of stores, The Gap, Banana Republic, J Crew.

Your favorite color(s):
Green.

When’s the last time you laughed:
When the kids were playing a "jump on mommy!" game after dinner.

When’s the last time you cried:
Today, reading about the SPD Officer who died in the line of duty.

What can I say? October was busy.

I'll be back DAILY in November.

It's NaBloPoMo time!

Mom interrupted.

After six and a half years into this mothering thing, I have finally spent the night alone (ALONE) in my very own house. Now, don't get me wrong - I've traveled for work, spent the night at MY parent's house,  or the kids have spent the night at friends' houses, but I have NEVER been ALL ALONE, ALL NIGHT in my own bed. RD and the kids headed to their Auntie's house to bask in her love, the Portland Zoo, and, of course, Auntie's air conditioning.

I had lofty plans, and, for the most part, accomplished alot in my family's absence. On Thursday evening took the train to pick up a car for my sister's family (you really don't want to know more detail, I'm already bored myself). I then slept THE WHOLE NIGHT without waking and blissfully awoke, refreshed, at 7:30am. I worked for a few hours then began my BIG weekend task: the painting of the family room in the basement.

It may seem like a simple task, but when your basement is about 1000 square feet and the family room pushes 800 of that, you have your work cut out for you. I painted for about 12 hours on Friday, and at about 11pm I discovered there was no way in hell I had the strength to move the mammoth sectional couch (with chaise!) that lives in the family room. I'm just too pathetically week. I figured out how much I could complete (tastefully, of course), leaving about 1/3 left to accomplish (not to self: figure out when I might have time to finish. Related: never).

Saturday morning found me adding my beloved second coat and then in the afternoon I headed over to my friend and neighbor's house for a BBQ. It was truly weird to be there without the kids. I kept referring to them and gesturing in the direction of the sandbox and kiddie pool (where everyone else's kids were) like they were actually there. Afterwords, another friend and I headed to see (500) Days of Summer. Trust me when I say it is a delight.

Sunday, I cleaned the house, restocked the fridge, and shaved my legs in peace. The family returned home, happy, around noon. Bubba, who has quite a sensitive heart, would not leave my sight the rest of the day. He kept wanting me to snuggle with him and have him tell me how much he missed me and how his heart was happier now that we were together again.

And then my heart imploded.

The only downside of the weekend was the knowledge that the kids, once returned to me, would be mine alone for the next few days as RD had a work conference to head to. For me, the mornings, with the hustle and bustle of breakfast/clothes/teethbrushing/driving/two drops offs is the worst part. Otherwise, I enjoy some time to myself with the kids.

Mostly.

Monday evening (after watching How I Met Your Mother, natch), I stumbled upon a documentary on HBO called Boy Interrupted. It's the story of the suicide of Dana and Hart Perry's son, Evan, when he was 15. It was probably one of the most poignant, heartfelt and moving pieces of film making I have ever seen. Evan's parents, who are documentary filmmakers, wrote and directed the picture, which was shown at Sundance. While no suicide is ever simple, the film shares all the uniqueness of Evan and his family's journey, his bipolar disorder, his treatment at Wellspring (which has seemed to bring him out of the darkness), and the impact of his disease and death on his family and friends. Because they are filmmakers, they had alot of personal footage to share. Evan did as well - as he, himself, was an aspiring filmmaker. About 1/3 of the way through the film, we learn that this is not the first suicide in his family. His uncle and namesake, Scott, killed himself at 21. The tell his life story, essentially, from birth until his suicide. You feel the pain of a mother and grandmother trying to understand why her flesh and blood would kill themselves. The destruction in the eyes of Dana, with her complete disbelief that it has actually happened. I found the interviews with his psychiatrist the most interesting and insightful.

After crying hysterically for the better part of 90 minutes, the movie finished. I stood in my bedroom, alone, and all I could think about was going to hold my soundly sleeping son. I went into his room, still sniffling; sat on his bed, and leaned in for a snuggle.

He wasn't having it.

He was sleeping, and very deeply at that - the poor kid.

It made me smile a bit through my tears, remembering that he was just a boy trying to sleep. And I am just his mom, trying to love him just a bit more.

All the rest would just have to wait until the morning.

More things I don't currently understand.

While I promise a more interesting post soon (to include PICTURES! of CAMPING and FIREWORKS), here's a breakdown of more things I don't currently understand.

1. People that wear wool hats in the summer. I'm looking at YOU, Zac Efron.

2. Why my son can't figure out how to close his mouth and NOT breathe through his nose in the pool. It's the bane of my existence.

3. The fad of bringing dogs into stores. I don't know you, and I certainly don't know your dog; so the dog lunging toward me = NOT COOL. I would like to grocery shop in peace. (Of course, I'm not talking about service dogs.)

4. Fancy salt. You know, like sea salt and kosher salt and others? I want to understand, I really do. We only have sad, boring Morten's Salt in our pantry. Recently, a good friend bought me some fancy salt at Williams Sonoma, but I have yet to crack it open. I think I'm worried I'll be disappointed. I mean, It's a $12.50 jar of salt!

5. Why I can't seem to find Wyder's Hard Cider in ANY STORE, ANYWHERE. I need to drink in order to deal with all these things I don't understand.

Things I don't currently understand.

1. Boom Boom Pow. The song makes no sense to me. The beats okay, though. Holla!

2. Bumpits. WTF?

3. People that don't like watermelon.

4. Rompers.

5. All the interest in J&K+8. Outside of their supposed marital problems, who cares? If you video-taped me with my kids all the time, you'd probably catch me being awful occasionally (or more than occasionally). At least my hair looks better - no Bumpit required.

8 things.

8 Things I'm Looking Forward To

1. Getting past June 25.
2. Moving into our new building at work.
3. SUMMER.
4. Getting together with our new neighborhood friends.
5. Painting the basement
6. Watching my garden grow.
7. Dinner tonight with just Sis and me.
8. The Log Cabin.

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Volunteered in my son's kindergarten class.
2. Worked.
3. Laundry.
4. Washed and vacuumed my car.
5. Went to the grocery store.
6. Meal planned for the week.
7. Vacuumed the house.
8. Went to dinner and a movie with a friend.

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

1. Play the guitar.
2. Complete a triathlon.
3. Cure MS.
4. Enjoy running.
5. Fall asleep (and STAY ASLEEP) easily.
6. Drive a minivan. (I. just. can. not.)
7. Drink red wine.
8. Be taller.

8 Shows I Watch

1. Law and Order: Criminal Intent
2. How I Met Your Mother
3. The Office
4. My Boys
5. 30 Rock
6. SNL
7. Reruns of Friends, Will & Grace, Frasier, etc.
8. King 5 Morning News

Someone cares what you had for lunch.

I know that Maggie would like us to believe that No One Cares What You Had for Lunch; but this time, I'm going to risk it.

I have never really been the kind of person who goes "out" for lunch. Yes, I had (and still have) a few lunches with friends each month, but I usually just walked over to the nearby grocery store for a sandwich or salad. Even though that's still less expensive than going out to a traditional restaurant, it still adds up.

So, combine my desire to save a few bucks and going on the South Beach diet. It pushed me to start packing my lunch most days of the week. It took me well over a year to figure out the best way to organize what I needed for the day. I had a number of go-to lunches and would also schedule our family's meal plan in order to optimize the left-overs for my lunch.

I HAZ MY LEFTZOVER LAZAGNA. Yum.

About two months ago I decided to search for THE PERFECT lunch bag/tote to make my lunch nirvana complete. I had some tough needs - I have a particular storage container that I use for salad - and it needed to fit in the bag.

I found it - in Built NY bags. One of their bags had the correct dimensions AND had enough room to carry everything I would need.

Oh, hi! Here's the bag. (PS. It's a Gourmet Getaway.)

And here's all the crap I'm able to stuff into it every day. Well, for tomorrow's meals anyway.

(Clockwise from the banana and apple: rice/beans (lunch), eggs/beans (breakfast), pico de gallo for rice/beans and egg/beans, yogurt, cheese, carrots and radishes.)

(Yes, I pack my breakfast, too. I just can't get me AND the kids ready AND eat breakfast AND get out of the house on time. I pack this all the night before.)

(Yes, it IS weird that I eat beans with my eggs, but DAMN, it's good.)

(Yes, that's homemade pico de gallo, via The Pioneer Women Cooks.)

Now, just HOW do I get all this in that bag?

Pretty simple. It's like bricklaying. First layer.

Layer two.

Top with fruit. DUH.

Then zip it up. Oh, I didn't mention it has a zipper?

I am, apparently, a lunch nerd. Carry on.